The Color of Identity

“We know what we are,

but not what we may be.” 

(William Shakespeare)

Last Wednesday I co-facilitated the first of fourteen weeks of a group called "Changing Ways" - a healing group for men convicted of domestic violence. These men are not participating voluntarily; they are court-mandated. Their stories are full of anger and hurt, sorrow and violation. As the men came into the room for this first session, their faces betrayed a myriad of emotion - anxiety, uncertainty, shame, stubbornness, fear... Having traversed the rocky shores of our justice system most of them expected to be treated as felons, labelled with a big "A" for abuser. 

Instead, I set the tone by greeting each man by name, shaking his hand, and welcoming him with a smile. I wanted them all to know that I saw brothers sitting before me, fellow men, fellow human beings; all other labels were secondary. In this, I was confronting one of humanity's great questions: who are we? 

“Perhaps it's impossible to wear an identity

without becoming what you pretend to be.” 

(Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game)

Many support/healing groups include an identity aspect - "hello, my name is Bill, and I'm a choc-aholic." This begs the question - what should/does define who we are? When Moses was speaking to the burning bush in the Old Testament story, he asked the bush to tell him who it was that was sending him back to Egypt. The bush responded, "tell the Egyptians 'I am' sends you." God responded by saying that Divine identity is being-ness. Scripture goes on to define God by such attributes as God is a rock, God is a consuming fire, and John's quintessential descriptor - God is Love. 

So how are we to be defined? Are we the labels that others assign to us - fat, tall, drunk, convict...? Are we the titles of our vocation and jobs - farmer, banker, teacher, cashier? Are we the emotional states that often feel so overwhelming in the moment - grief, sorrow, anticipation, wonder, betrayal? 

“Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions

drown out your own inner voice."

(Steve Jobs, Stanford University commencement speech, 2005)

Perhaps no single element should be empowered as ultimate descriptor. Certainly the opinions of others (which are always incomplete and skewed), as well as the warped perspective of media, shall be dismissed from our conversation, for neither provides any useful insight into "I am." What then can speak truth to who I am?

“When I discover who I am,

I’ll be free.” 

(Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man)

Perhaps we are a composite of all our experiences, actions, and thoughts. Our past forms us, along with our DNA, and our spiritual heritage; forms us, but cannot constrain us. We are constantly growing, exceeding our limits, stretching our potential. Just when we think that we are chained to the past, a personal epiphany may release us from those chains, and we are thrust onto new paths of possibility.

We are deep, us humans, deep and complex creatures. The most broken among us have sometimes risen to bathe the world in light, even as the most brilliant have on occasion fallen to the depths. Still, I would submit that neither heights nor depths have the right to utterly hold the brush that paints our portrait. 

The men in the Changing Ways program have all caused wounding in some form or fashion; the women in their lives have suffered at their hands. This is a thread on the loom of their weaving. It is, however, only one thread among many. I counsel us to be careful with "I am" statements. When we profess "I am an abuser" or "I am an alcoholic" we are designating one single lens, one perspective as the sole image from which we are composed. We are, at all times, a kaleidoscope mosaic of colors and shapes, bits and pieces forming a whole. 

In light of all this, who are you?

I leave the last word to the author of Genesis:

"So God created human beings in his own image.

In the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them."

(Genesis 1.27 New Living Translation)

The color of identity...

I am - all of me.

White light

through

a

prism's lens

is

rainbow hued

So too

a

human heart

through

Love's lens

Love

Pray

See

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” 

(Jeremiah 1.5)

- From Buddhism: "Every being has the Buddha Nature. This is the self." (Mahaparinirvana Sutra 214)

- From Seicho-no-Ie: "Therefore, man, who is spirit, love, and wisdom, is in no way related to matter." (Nectarean Shower of Holy Doctrines 48-49)