The Color of Motherhood

“Being a mother is an attitude,

not a biological relation.” 

(Robert A. Heinlein, Have Space Suit—Will Travel)

I recall my grade two year with sorrow and admiration for my mother. I struggled with school, afraid of it to the core of my six-year-old being, and it was my mom who was tasked with giving me the strength to face my fears. I remember mornings where I begged my mom to let me stay home: "Just don't make me go today... I'll go tomorrow, but please not today." She made me go, every morning, and how it must have cost her heart to teach me to face the world.

I had difficulty memorizing and consequently spelling was my nemesis (still is - thank goodness for spell check). From grade one on through elementary school my mom would work with me every day after school studying spelling. She bribed me - had a cupboard full of little treats. A teacher by trade, she was determined that I would reach whatever potentials were planted within me. 

“Sometimes the strength of motherhood

is greater than natural laws.” 

(Barbara Kingsolver, Homeland and Other Stories)

My mother's strength filled me in those growing up years. She saw me off to school every morning from K to 12, and was there to greet me after school with a smile and a snack. Mothering was her vocation; as far as I know she never desired anything more. She guided my childhood and teen years with gentleness and patience. She wasn't perfect, was not always what I as a teen thought a mother should be, but her Love was beyond question and the strength of her heart shattered the demons that my young imagination feared.

“(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother,

that's the only shift they offer.” 

(Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper)

From conception on mothering is all-consuming. It is the most significant expression of Love that humanity may experience, for it bears the power to shape a child's world, to inculcate kindness, courage, honesty, and compassion. Mothering builds lives, sees possibilities, and bears the wounds that growing up must inflict. 

Not everyone is born with a gift for mothering - some struggle with the demands that motherhood levies upon a human heart. For those that enter parenting with trepidation, who are overwhelmed by the tidal wave of need and the weight of its responsibility - for these I have compassion. It takes a village to raise a child, and mothering too, at its best, is a communal endeavor. If a mother is overwhelmed by fate's bequeathing, it is as much the fault of community as it is a personal undoing. 

“All that I am or ever hope to be,

I owe to my angel mother.” 

(Abraham Lincoln)

My mother taught me kindness, to be thankful, to stop and have tea when the sun is shinning through the window on a quiet morning. She mentored me in perseverance, in facing down whatever giants I come up against; she led a simple life devoted to her sons, her husband, and her community. Today I do my utmost to be a healing presence; this is in no small way the flowering of seeds that my mom planted within the heart of an anxious little boy forty years ago. 

Mom turned 91 this fall; I no longer depend upon her to send me out into the world, for I have my own strength now, built upon the foundation that mothering provided so long ago. Love sculpted my being through the gentle touch of a woman, and now I share that same Love as I seek to make a healing difference in the world.

I leave the last word to author, Jodi Picoult:

“My mother... she is beautiful,

softened at the edges

and tempered with a spine of steel.

I want to grow old and be like her.” 

(Jodi Picoult)

The color of motherhood...

Love incarnate.

The gentleness

of sunshine and rain

open

rock-hard seeds

to sprout

grow

flower

and seed.

Open your flower

wide

to the

Sun

Breathe

Laugh

Pray

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck." (Proverbs 1.8-9)

- From Islam: "One companion asked, 'O Apostle of God! Who is the person worthiest of my consideration?' He replied, 'Your mother.' He asked again, 'And second to my mother?' The Prophet said, 'Your mother.' The companion insisted, 'And then?' The Messenger of God said, 'After your mother, your father.' " (Islam. Hadith of Bukhari and Muslim)

- From Buddhism: "Brethren, one can never repay two persons, I declare. What two? Mother and father." (Anguttara Nikaya i.6l)

The Color of Grief

“So it’s true,

when all is said and done,

grief is the price we pay for love.” 

(E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly)

A friend died last weekend and I find myself adrift in the old familiar waters of grief. This was an unexpected death - no signs and symptoms beforehand to provide a heads-up, just the flicking of a switch; one minute he was vibrantly, passionately alive, and the next moment he had left his body behind.

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly

can also suffer great sorrow,

but this same necessity of loving

serves to counteract their grief

and heals them.” 

(Leo Tolstoy)

Grief is a complex, multi-colored kaleidoscope of emotions, thoughts, longings, and memories, all swirling together. Their patterns shift, moment by moment, intense waves of raw energy. Sometimes it feels as though it is a creature unto its own, hacking into our being and taking control.

While quintessentially overwhelming in its power, it is also the surest indication that our heart and soul are alive and well. Those who grieve deeply have loved deeply, and what is life at its fullest if not the expression of Love? Just as an open wound bleeds to cleanse and heal the body, so too is grief a bleeding of the heart. If we had not loved, we would not grieve. 

“Grief does not change you, Hazel.

It reveals you.” 

(John Green, The Fault in Our Stars)

Indeed, grief uncovers Love at work in and through us. It is a road map of our connection to others; it the way back to ourselves and a path to the heart of God. Though painful in the extreme, grief, and its healing partner mourning, are rooms in our being wherein Love unfolds, and the sterling metal of our character is polished.

“The darker the night,

the brighter the stars, 

The deeper the grief,

the closer is God!” 

(Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment)

Hundreds of millions, perhaps billions of our brothers and sisters world-wide are drowning in grief today, the shores of their heart battered by waves of loss. If you are one of these you have my compassion. Know this - your grief is a mirror, and it affirms what the universe has always known, that you are a beautiful soul, a gift to humanity, and an expression of Love. You will hurt for a while, and then the hurt will transform into a dull ache, and then one day it will be a familiar friend reminding you that you have loved in this life, loved with such breadth and wonder that your heart could not contain it. 

Do not fear grief - let it be an anthem of your heart, a canticle that your soul sings as it dances with your loved-ones beyond the veil. What we call death is to the soul but a metamorphosis, a seamless step from life into life. Love promises us eternity; grief is the heart's yearning for that promise fulfilled.

I leave the last word to author José N. Harris:

“Tears shed for another person

are not a sign of weakness.

They are a sign

of a pure heart.” 

(José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love)

The color of grief...

Love's exhalation.

You sit astride

a wild

stallion

let go

the reins

trust his lead

Weep

laugh

breathe

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

- From Hinduism: "When a person responds to the joys and sorrows of others as if they were his own, he has attained the highest state of spiritual union." (Hinduism. Bhagavad Gita 6.28-32)

- From Baha’: "Everything in life ministers to our development. Our lesson is to study and learn… Tests are either stumbling blocks or stepping stones, just as we make them" (Abdu’l-Baha cited in: Ten Days in the Light of Akka by Julia M. Grundy, 1907)

The Color of Fear of Failure

“Have pity on those who are fearful of taking up a pen,

or a paintbrush, or an instrument, or a tool

because they are afraid

that someone has already done so

better than they could…” 

(Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage)

Though neither pleasant, nor easy to admit to myself, it is true that a deep rooted fear of failure has dogged me all of my life. I do not like to see it written here; I feel small and vulnerable in the face of it. Yet there it is, out in the open: I am afraid that I am not nearly as competent as I am perceived by others to be, and I will be found out to be a charlatan, a mere facade of truth. 

To face a fear like this takes, from any of us, a certain courage. The fears that cling like mildew to the roots of our being have the power to cripple us if left unacknowledged. They slowly eat away at our awareness, withering that which anchors us. In the end, if we submit to our fears we will succumb to darkness.

“Many times,

the thought of fear itself

is greater than what it is we fear.”
(Idowu Koyenikan)

While fear may be endemic to the human condition, it is not the place from which we find our strength. Wallowing in fear of failure will only stop me from exploring the full potential of my gifts, from impacting our world in the ways that my heart yearns to do. So too for you - if you let fear guide your steps, you have cut yourself off from life. 

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear

but of power and love"

(2 Timothy 1.7)

It is this spirit of power and Love that we must tap into if we are to surpass the dark places wherein fear makes its lair. Yes, we have an inclination to fears and judgments, negative thought and depression. We have an even greater inclination, though, to the healing and renewal that can pour through us if we open ourselves to Light and Love. 

“Let fear once get possession of the soul,

and it does not readily yield its place to another sentiment.” 

(Leo Tolstoy, Sebastopol in December)

I will not give in to my fear of failure! If I do I am done - no more writing, no workshops, no helping my neighbor. Pahh!!! I won't have it. I'm not saying that I know how to release this fear just yet, I'm saying I am on to its devious ways and I'm choosing to forge ahead regardless. Sometimes forging ahead feels like walking through Jell-O; so be it, for who ever said life would be easy eh?

So, to all of you who are beleaguered by fears, crippled by darkness - you have my compassion, and my rallying cry. Fight the fears, push back the darkness, and let the Light pour through you so brightly that the world is blinded by your beauty. We are here in this life to bring wholeness, to explore wonder, to play, laugh and cry; we are here to make a difference through every moment, every breath; we are here to Love and to be the Love we are created to be. Fears be damned, we forge ahead in the power of Love.

I leave the last word to author David Richo:

“Our wounds are often the openings

into the best and most beautiful part of us.” 

The color of fear of failure...

light, though distant, in the long, dark tunnel.

running

in the noontime light

with closed

eyes

is

blindness

just

open

your eyes

and

see

light

surrounds you

Love

laugh

play

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73.26)

- From Islam: "Your Lord says, "Call on Me; I will answer your prayer." (Islam. Qur'an 40.60)

- From the Sioux nation: "For the Great Spirit is everywhere; he hears whatever is in our minds and hearts, and it is not necessary to speak to him in a loud voice." (Native American Religion. Black Elk, Sioux Tradition)

The Color of Changing the World

“You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply,

with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.

You are here to enrich the world.” 

(Woodrow Wilson)

I want to dedicate this week's musings to you; I want to remind you that it is a miracle that you exist. In his article, "The Cosmological Improbability of You," Alexander Green reminds us of all that had to happen for you and I to incarnate. All of our ancestors survived long enough to procreate; the earth is the right distance from the sun to sustain life; gravity and atmosphere are perfect; a thousand details are just right - so that we can be here, at this time.

You are a miracle! There are 7.3 billion (and counting) people on this big blue planet, and there is not a single other one just like you. Nobody has your combination of gifts and skills, experience and wisdom. You have survived every challenge that life has put before you; you have surpassed every pitfall, every loss, for here you are today reading this. YOU are amazing.

“I have never been especially impressed

by the heroics of people

convinced they are about to change the world.

I am more awed by those who struggle

to make one small difference.” 

(Ellen Goodman)

So much energy, Love, struggle, and wonder have gone into bringing you to this moment. Thousands of years of history have created countless family tree branches that have been interwoven to become your story. You are not an accident, nor are you insignificant, for Love has gone to extreme measures to ensure that you exist. 

Knowing this, that Divine Love has paved a road from the beginning of time that leads right to you, there is nothing that cannot be accomplished through you. In this day our world will be changed because of your presence in it. The simplest acts of kindness, forgiveness, and compassion will be a pebble in humanity's path, turning the wheel of its cart into a new direction. 

“Remember, the change you want to see in the world,

and in your school,

begins with you.” 

(Joseph Clementi)

So be the brilliant you that Love created you to be. Don't fret over failures and shortcomings - we all have to fall if we're going to learn to walk, run and dance. Instead, fall often, and just as often dust yourself off and keep going. Aim high and at the same time be attentive to all of the moment-to-moment opportunities to inspire the people you meet with the depth of your kindness. 

Most of all, aim to change the world by changing you. Let go of the resentments, the bitterness, the fears - these are not your truths. You are far too beautiful to let such things mask your light. In this day you will make someone's life easier just by your presence; you will uplift someone by saying thank you; you will heal someone by withholding the judgment your mind wants to spew. In this day, all that you are - thousands of years in the making - will change humanity's course.

“A small change can make a big difference.

You are the only one

who can make our world a better place to inhabit."

(Ankita Singhal)

Take care of yourself so that you are brilliant, so that there is a keen edge to the blade of your being. As you shine brightly so may your family be healed, so may your community be whole, so may our world be at peace.

I leave the last word to Jesus, who saw in you the light of the world: 

“You are the light of the world.

A city set on a hill cannot be hidden."

(Matthew 5.14)

The color of changing the world...

healing hearts one at a time.

1200 pounds

of horse

40 pounds

of saddle

180 pounds

of human

are all undone

by

one

tiny

burr

Breathe

laugh

burr

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "You are the salt of the earth..." (Matthew 5.13)

- From Hinduism: "When the light of Atman drives out our darkness that light shines forth from us, a sun in splendor, the revealed Brahman." (Bhagavad Gita 5.15-16)

- From Sioux Traditional Wisdom: 

"I am blind and do not see the things of this world; but when the light

comes from above, it enlightens my heart and I can see, for the Eye of my

heart sees everything; and through this vision I can help my people.  The

heart is a sanctuary at the center of which there is a little space,

wherein the Great Spirit dwells, and this is the Eye." (Black Elk)

The Color of the City

“The city's full of people who you just see around.” 

(Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms) 

  

I am home now as I write this week's musing, however, if I close my eyes I can still hear the sounds, and smell the aromas of Toronto's inner city core. Anna and I spent four days walking Toronto's downtown - Yonge Street, the harbor waterfront, Kensington Market, Casa Loma Castle, Little Italy... it was absolutely delicious in all ways.

For someone who lives in a very white prairie culture, Toronto was a cosmopolitan explosion. Her streets are an urban experiment in multicultural accents and languages. Move one block in any direction and you've stepped from China town to the old Jewish neighborhood of Kensington, and then into Little Italy. Joyfully, I often noticed that as a Caucasian I was a visible minority - and yet I had a place there, was accepted as much as anybody else walking within the anonymity of city life.

I saw an endless flow of humanity in all of its colors - Bay Street suits with polished shoes; dread locks and Rastafarian attire; a man dressed in rags, sleeping on the sidewalk; shriveled up, bent-over Chinese elders with deep, wise eyes; young, fit peddle bikers ripping down the street; scooters, sports cars, luxury cars, motor cycles... by the end of each day I was exhausted processing all that I had experienced.

 “She loved the way her city

always sounded like it was celebrating.” 

(Sarah Pekkanen, These Girls)

Toronto thrums with life, a perpetual vibration of excitement, like a held breath waiting for something to happen. It is resplendent in color and sound, suffering and happiness. All around life blossoms in the most unexpected places - a seedling taking root between the cracks of the sidewalk; a flock of sparrows pecking at crumbs outside the bakery. Rural folk often write-off the city as cold and barren. Life though is everywhere if we have the eyes to see.

That is my learning from this foray into the concrete jungle - life finds expression no matter where we look. Everything in the city comes from the earth - the metals from the ores of the earth's skin; the concrete from mountain rock; the asphalt from the oil deep in her veins. In and around all of this are plants and animals that have adapted to metropolitan life. I appreciate that for some, city dwelling is bereft of that which nourishes their soul.

Be that as it may, I saw Love at work in Toronto - in the compassion of someone helping an intoxicated fellow who had fallen down; countless moments of random acts of kindness; throngs (literally) of Blue Jays fans pouring into the streets. Love celebrated with, cried with, hoped with, and ultimately surrounded and filled each person that I passed.

As you go through your day be aware of the people that you pass - chose to see Love at work, chose to see Spirit moving through the flow of humanity, and allow yourself the privilege of being open to life's unfolding, city or country.

I leave the last word to Australian author, Sheridan Hay:

“I loved the city. We were anonymous,

and even then I had the sense that cities were yielding;

that they moved over and made room.” 

(Sheridan Hay, The Secret of Lost Things)

The color of the city...

life between the cracks.

Just because

I

cannot see it

does not

mean

it is

not

there

Life

Love

Hope

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: ""You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden" (Matthew 5.14

- From Judaism: "Separate not yourself from the community." (Mishnah, Abot 2.4)

- From Janism: "Consider the family of humankind one." (Jinasena, Adipurana)