“Maturity is when your world opens up
and you realize that you are not the center of it.”
(M.J. Croan)
They're a bit dusty, however, an attic full of teen-year memories lay boxed-up and awaiting unpacking at the least provocation; parenting a 17-year-old seems to be provocation enough. I remember... things that make me smile, things my parents never knew, things I wish I could forget... I remember being adolescent with all of its concurrent turbulence. Where did the years go?!
Dictionary.com defines adolescence as follows: "the transitional period between puberty and adulthood in human development, extending mainly over the teen years and terminating legally when the age of majority is reached; youth." Many parents of teens define adolescence as a period of uncertainty and parental frustration. I am inclined to a perspective that includes the above mentioned definitions, and adds to them that it is a time of wonder, of exploration, of testing the waters, of unfolding sexuality, sensuality, and intimacy; it is about rapid cell growth, growing pains, bottomless appetites, and clothes that don't fit. Adolescence is where humanity learns to weave the cloth of community as friendships take center-place over family, and family seeps into the crevices to become the bedrock of emotional, social, and spiritual development.
“Adolescence is like having only enough light
to see the step directly in front of you.”
(Sarah Addison Allen, The Girl Who Chased the Moon)
Those teen years are truly a walking-on-shifting-sands, crazy time of life; an in between time where one is almost, but not quite. Moving out of childhood, yet not unfolded into the adult world. I am tempted to think that there is no period of life that is quite like it. Tempted that is until I consider mid-life. Forty-something might best be described as a second adolescence; no longer 30-still-have-full-warranty young, not quite ready to cash in those pension funds. A time of change and changing perspectives and priorities wherein both my past 30-year-old and my future 70-year-old selves might question the wisdom of my choices. It is truly a "transitional period between..."
Perhaps all of life, each decade and their accompanying possibilities and limitations, is transitional. We are forever moving towards, and concomitantly moving away from parts of our path. Wisdom continues to color our understandings, sometimes with great sweeping strokes, often with subtle and deft movements. When I think of Alexander and his 17-year-old life there are moments when I want to hurry him into adulthood. I want him to drive slower, pay more attention to his responsibilities, be more like me; be more adult; be less teens. How sad that I want him to rush through a moment of life that will never be re-lived.
“How can growing up really be about falling down?”
(Janet Turpin Myers, Night-swimming)
Alexander needs mentoring, patience, and understanding from those who've already surpassed his level of the game of life. So too do I need mentoring from those who are no longer mid-life adolescents. I will likely have a few more sleepless nights waiting for a creaking door to announce the safe arrival home of my nocturnal boy. There might be a call or two from the local constabulary regarding some minor infraction of the law. I am happy to endure it all if it means that Alexander can fully, and safely, explore all that it means to be in between childhood and adulthood. He gets one shot at it - and Anna and I have one shot at being in it with him. So too all of us, in every stage of life - one chance to do our best, to fail, to fall, to try again.
We need, all of us, to live life where we are. Each place in life is unique and wondrous, and terrible - all at once. We do not get to see very far down the path; one step directly in front is all that is lit up, for teens, and 30's, and 60's and 90's. So be patient with those who follow behind you, and open yourself to the teachings of those who walk ahead.
I leave the last word to the Apostle Paul, who encourages us to encourage each other:
"Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you,
with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another..."
(Colossians 3.16)
The color of adolescence...
being and becoming.
We have always
been
perfect
right
where we
are
Just Be
Breathe
Pray
Love
To Ponder Further:
- From the Bible: "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things."
(1 Corinthians 13.11)
- From Buddhism: "Although his parents were unwilling and tears poured down their cheeks, the recluse Gotama, having cut off hair and beard and donned saffron robes, went forth from home into homelessness. (Digha Nikaya i.115)
- From Buddhism: "Although his parents were unwilling and tears poured down their cheeks, the recluse Gotama, having cut off hair and beard and donned saffron robes, went forth from home into homelessness. (Digha Nikaya i.115)
- From Sikhism: "As the child, according to its natural disposition, commits thousands of faults, the father instructs and slights, but again hugs him to his bosom.
(Adi Granth, Sorath, M.5)
