The Color of listening

“This is the problem

with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener.

They don’t jump in on your sentences,

saving you from actually finishing them,

or talk over you,

allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit.

Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.” 

(Sarah Dessen, Just Listen)

 Have you ever had this happen - you're speaking as part of a conversation, and before you have reached the end of your thoughts someone interrupts, leaving your unfinished sentence dangling precariously over oblivion. Maybe they finish your sentence for you (whether that was your direction or not), or they may take the dialogue down an entirely different path. It seems that our culture has made interruption into an art. While listening to somebody speak we are already mapping out our next response, hearing only enough to consider what we want to say in reply.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;

they listen with the intent to reply.” 

(Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People)

Even when we are not interrupting a speaker we are quite likely listening with half an ear as the other half is considering the implications of what we are hearing, working out our position in rejoinder. In so doing we can only barely be present to those who are speaking; listening and responding are two separate ways of being - like moving forward and backward, you must cease one to begin the other.

“Listening is an attitude of the heart,

a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals."

(Sura Hart, Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids)

To listen is to let go of ourselves, to open ourselves in vulnerability to what another is saying. Listening is a move into silence - an internal stillness wherein peace is cultivated and possibility is ignited. If I am to listen to you, deeply, completely listen - then I will step back from the constant babble that pervades my thoughts, and pour my attention into your presence. In listening, my intent will not be to reply, rebut, or argue MY position, but rather, my role as listener is to hold what you are giving. Listening, is simply being with each other.

Whoever keeps their mouth and tongue

keeps themselves out of trouble.

(Proverbs 21:23)

My last thought on listening is this - when someone shares their thoughts they are inviting us into their world. For example:

 

"It's really cold out." says Dave

"What? It's not cold out... feels fine to me." replies Janice

Classic non-listening. Dave is telling us about his perception and experience; it is neither right nor wrong, it is just what his world feels like right now. So often we stop listening because our experience is not in agreement with that of another person. "Frank is a great guy." "No way, Frank is an idiot." Frank may be both, but a true listener will accept the invitation of the speaker to move into their perspective, their understanding.

So try this on as you hone your Loving and healing presence in this world: this week, just listen. Don't try to fix what you hear, don't try to argue it, or change it, or deny it. Just listen. If the speaker desires to enter your world they will let you know that it is time for you to speak. In the meantime, don't just clamp your mouth shut as you bite your tongue, actually be quiet enough on the inside to be present with those who are communicating with you.

 I leave the last word to the author of James:

 "Know this, my beloved brothers:

let every person be quick to hear,

slow to speak, slow to anger"

(James 1.19)

The color of listening...

the unfolding of Love's intent.

Music

is both

sound

and silence

for it is

stillness

that separates

and distinguishes

individual

pitches

to make a melody

Be silence

Listen

Breathe

Pray

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame." (Proverbs 18.13)

- From Baha'i: "Only the listening ear can hear the singing of the Concourse on high." (Writings of Abdu'l-Baha, 8:23)

- From ancient Egypt: "Give your ears, hear what is said." (Amen-em-Opet, Egyptian Scribe, c.1200 B.C.E.)