The Color of Grief

“So it’s true,

when all is said and done,

grief is the price we pay for love.” 

(E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly)

A friend died last weekend and I find myself adrift in the old familiar waters of grief. This was an unexpected death - no signs and symptoms beforehand to provide a heads-up, just the flicking of a switch; one minute he was vibrantly, passionately alive, and the next moment he had left his body behind.

“Only people who are capable of loving strongly

can also suffer great sorrow,

but this same necessity of loving

serves to counteract their grief

and heals them.” 

(Leo Tolstoy)

Grief is a complex, multi-colored kaleidoscope of emotions, thoughts, longings, and memories, all swirling together. Their patterns shift, moment by moment, intense waves of raw energy. Sometimes it feels as though it is a creature unto its own, hacking into our being and taking control.

While quintessentially overwhelming in its power, it is also the surest indication that our heart and soul are alive and well. Those who grieve deeply have loved deeply, and what is life at its fullest if not the expression of Love? Just as an open wound bleeds to cleanse and heal the body, so too is grief a bleeding of the heart. If we had not loved, we would not grieve. 

“Grief does not change you, Hazel.

It reveals you.” 

(John Green, The Fault in Our Stars)

Indeed, grief uncovers Love at work in and through us. It is a road map of our connection to others; it the way back to ourselves and a path to the heart of God. Though painful in the extreme, grief, and its healing partner mourning, are rooms in our being wherein Love unfolds, and the sterling metal of our character is polished.

“The darker the night,

the brighter the stars, 

The deeper the grief,

the closer is God!” 

(Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment)

Hundreds of millions, perhaps billions of our brothers and sisters world-wide are drowning in grief today, the shores of their heart battered by waves of loss. If you are one of these you have my compassion. Know this - your grief is a mirror, and it affirms what the universe has always known, that you are a beautiful soul, a gift to humanity, and an expression of Love. You will hurt for a while, and then the hurt will transform into a dull ache, and then one day it will be a familiar friend reminding you that you have loved in this life, loved with such breadth and wonder that your heart could not contain it. 

Do not fear grief - let it be an anthem of your heart, a canticle that your soul sings as it dances with your loved-ones beyond the veil. What we call death is to the soul but a metamorphosis, a seamless step from life into life. Love promises us eternity; grief is the heart's yearning for that promise fulfilled.

I leave the last word to author José N. Harris:

“Tears shed for another person

are not a sign of weakness.

They are a sign

of a pure heart.” 

(José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love)

The color of grief...

Love's exhalation.

You sit astride

a wild

stallion

let go

the reins

trust his lead

Weep

laugh

breathe

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)

- From Hinduism: "When a person responds to the joys and sorrows of others as if they were his own, he has attained the highest state of spiritual union." (Hinduism. Bhagavad Gita 6.28-32)

- From Baha’: "Everything in life ministers to our development. Our lesson is to study and learn… Tests are either stumbling blocks or stepping stones, just as we make them" (Abdu’l-Baha cited in: Ten Days in the Light of Akka by Julia M. Grundy, 1907)