The Color of Fear of Failure

“Have pity on those who are fearful of taking up a pen,

or a paintbrush, or an instrument, or a tool

because they are afraid

that someone has already done so

better than they could…” 

(Paulo Coelho, The Pilgrimage)

Though neither pleasant, nor easy to admit to myself, it is true that a deep rooted fear of failure has dogged me all of my life. I do not like to see it written here; I feel small and vulnerable in the face of it. Yet there it is, out in the open: I am afraid that I am not nearly as competent as I am perceived by others to be, and I will be found out to be a charlatan, a mere facade of truth. 

To face a fear like this takes, from any of us, a certain courage. The fears that cling like mildew to the roots of our being have the power to cripple us if left unacknowledged. They slowly eat away at our awareness, withering that which anchors us. In the end, if we submit to our fears we will succumb to darkness.

“Many times,

the thought of fear itself

is greater than what it is we fear.”
(Idowu Koyenikan)

While fear may be endemic to the human condition, it is not the place from which we find our strength. Wallowing in fear of failure will only stop me from exploring the full potential of my gifts, from impacting our world in the ways that my heart yearns to do. So too for you - if you let fear guide your steps, you have cut yourself off from life. 

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear

but of power and love"

(2 Timothy 1.7)

It is this spirit of power and Love that we must tap into if we are to surpass the dark places wherein fear makes its lair. Yes, we have an inclination to fears and judgments, negative thought and depression. We have an even greater inclination, though, to the healing and renewal that can pour through us if we open ourselves to Light and Love. 

“Let fear once get possession of the soul,

and it does not readily yield its place to another sentiment.” 

(Leo Tolstoy, Sebastopol in December)

I will not give in to my fear of failure! If I do I am done - no more writing, no workshops, no helping my neighbor. Pahh!!! I won't have it. I'm not saying that I know how to release this fear just yet, I'm saying I am on to its devious ways and I'm choosing to forge ahead regardless. Sometimes forging ahead feels like walking through Jell-O; so be it, for who ever said life would be easy eh?

So, to all of you who are beleaguered by fears, crippled by darkness - you have my compassion, and my rallying cry. Fight the fears, push back the darkness, and let the Light pour through you so brightly that the world is blinded by your beauty. We are here in this life to bring wholeness, to explore wonder, to play, laugh and cry; we are here to make a difference through every moment, every breath; we are here to Love and to be the Love we are created to be. Fears be damned, we forge ahead in the power of Love.

I leave the last word to author David Richo:

“Our wounds are often the openings

into the best and most beautiful part of us.” 

The color of fear of failure...

light, though distant, in the long, dark tunnel.

running

in the noontime light

with closed

eyes

is

blindness

just

open

your eyes

and

see

light

surrounds you

Love

laugh

play

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73.26)

- From Islam: "Your Lord says, "Call on Me; I will answer your prayer." (Islam. Qur'an 40.60)

- From the Sioux nation: "For the Great Spirit is everywhere; he hears whatever is in our minds and hearts, and it is not necessary to speak to him in a loud voice." (Native American Religion. Black Elk, Sioux Tradition)