The Color of Being True to Yourself

This above all: to thine own self be true,

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

(W. Shakespeare, "Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3)

I will risk a certain vulnerability with you in the following story: From my father I was mentored in relating to creatures with gentleness and patience. Form frogs to cattle, dogs to birds, my dad had a gift for honoring the life of animals. He taught me that our animal companions, domestic or wild, are to be loved deeply, respected for their unique place in our lives, and on this earth. 

It is with sorrow then that I recount a scene that unfolded many years ago, at a more emotionally impoverished time of my life. Anna and I were the fortunate recipients of a canine companion whom we named "Duchess." She was the epitome of gentleness, with a large dose of puppy curiosity. 

One evening when Anna was out, Duchess and I had an altercation. I had left some plates with chicken bones on the kitchen counter. From another room I heard the cutlery rattle in the kitchen. Duchess was standing with her paws on the counter pre-cleaning the plates. I verbally reprimanded her and returned to the living room. Moments later I heard the rattle again. 

I stormed into the kitchen seeing red, and in a moment of anger I drew my foot back to kick Duchess. Had I connected it would have broken her ribs. She, however, read my body language, and in a universe-laughing-at-me moment timed her crouch perfectly. My kick passed harmlessly (for her) over her back and connected firmly with the underside of the counter, shattering my second toe. Karma I suppose.

My actions went against everything I had been taught, and indeed held to be desirable, regarding the treatment of animals. In short, I violated a core value, and in so doing caused injury in countless ways. 

“The moon does not fight. It attacks no one.

It does not worry. It does not try to crush others.

It keeps to its course,

but by its very nature, it gently influences.

What other body could pull an entire ocean from shore to shore?

The moon is faithful to its nature

and its power is never diminished.” 

(Ming-Dao Deng, Everyday Tao: Living with Balance and Harmony)

I look back on that scene with compassion and understanding, for both Duchess and myself. It was not my best moment, however, it does serve to remind me that there is a great cost to be paid in not being true to myself. At the core, at the quintessential and elemental levels, I am an expression of Love. So are you! It is to this axiom that human growth beacons our adherence - be true to yourself, for you are Love.

“A lot of the conflict you have in your life

exists simply because you're not living in alignment;

you're not be being true to yourself.” 

(Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You)

There are a number of decisions that will face you in the coming week - at work, in your relationships, in charting the course of your life. This may guide you: know your core values, build those values on the Love that you are, and act in concordance with those values. Then, and only then, will you experience the freedom of integrity and calm with your inner being.

 As you be true to yourself you are empowered to change our world, to be a miracle-worker, sowing seeds of laughter, healing, joy, and wonder. The cost for such change is never too high, for it is paid for in the simple act of being what you have always and truly been - you!

Be true to yourself, today and all days. I leave the last word to author, Jennifer DeLucy:

“If nothing else in this long and short life,

let me be true to my conscience,

to the dignity of my own heart.

Let me act in a way that says,

I have honored my spirit

as truly as I have honored others'.

Let me stand tall and rooted as a mountain

in the face of a quaking world.” 

(Jennifer DeLucy)

The color of being true to yourself...

integrity in motion.

The sun shines

not for plants

or

sun tans

or

sparkling waves

but because

it is

its

nature

Be true

Shine

Breathe

Pray

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways." (Proverbs 28.6)

- From Sikhism: "Falsehood shall be destroyed; truth in the end shall prevail." (Adi Granth, Ramkali Ki Var, M.1, p. 953)

- From Buddhism: "Every being has the Buddha Nature. This is the self." (Mahaparinirvana Sutra 214)

The Color of Love…

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 

(Martin Luther King Jr., A Testament of Hope: The Essential Writings and Speeches)

A while back I came across this quotation: "Everyone needs to be loved especially when they don't deserve it." At first glance it seems a graceful offering of wisdom, however, listen a bit more carefully to the oxymoron embedded in the text. It is this - the words "love" and "deserve" do not sit well together.

This reminds me of a story that I came across years ago about an impoverished family living in the Bronx, New York. A single-parent family, the mother worked long hours to provide food and shelter for her children. Though times were tough they managed to stay together, stay in school and, mostly, to stay out of trouble. The youngest though, was more deeply broken by their circumstances than his siblings, and tended to express his pain through rebellion and lashing out. Now, mother had skimped and saved a few dollars here and there over the years and had a small nest-egg put away in a tin to help send one of the children to college. The youngest found the stash, stole it and spent it on a gun and drugs. He was arrested...

An older sister raged to their mother, "I hate him. I hate him for what he did, for what he has taken from us - your hard work, our dreams. I just hate him." With tears in her eyes, this life-worn, thread-bare mom responded to her daughter, "Don't hate him baby. it is when we are most difficult to love that we need to be loved the most. When we are completely lost we need love to come find us. Don't hate him, love him back to us."

“Love - not dim and blind

but so far-seeing that it can glimpse around corners,

around bends and twists and illusion;

instead of overlooking faults,

love sees through them to the secret inside.” 

(Vera Nazarian, Salt of the Air)

I've heard it often enough in our society - he/she deserves what they get. I've seen it in the Alberta redneck culture; if someone is an arsehole they deserve to be treated like an arsehole. There seems to be a certain karmic logic to this; Jesus said, we reap what we sow. Problem is, Love is all about healing and renewal, life and laughter. The person that we write-off as useless is a gifted human being that has not realized their own worth. Living the Love that we are means, in part, that we search for and draw out the Love that is within others, without regard to any sense of worthiness.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you

and still loves you.” 

(Elbert Hubbard)

Love does not discriminate between the deserving, or the undeserving. Love - the immense, indescribable power that called the universe into existence, that holds the planets in their orbits, that causes sunshine to sparkle on ocean waves like the glimmer of a million diamonds - this Love heals hearts, erupts as laughter in children, delights in the soaring eagle, the playful dolphins, the joy of first-time parents. This immense Love surrounds and fills all that is, all the time. This awesome power that is Love seeks out and soaks into the most vile offender with the same passion and yearning as it does the most enlightened saint.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,

while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” 

(Lao Tzu)

There is a temptation to commodify love, to offer it to the most deserving, those easiest to love. What we would be giving then would not be pure Love, but rather a shallow and poor forgery that seeps from the wounded ego. This love impostor is powerless to make a healing change in our world, is impotent as a life-giving agent, and can in no way draw our hearts into deeper life. But Love, pure, flowing through us, this Love - this makes a difference. 

Wherever you work today, wherever your path takes you, try this out: instead of giving what is "deserved," offer from your heart what is needed. In so doing you will be an agent of healing, a part of the renewal of our world. 

I leave the last word to Paul:

"Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast,

it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

it is not easily angered,

it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts,

always hopes,

always perseveres."

(1 Corinthians 13)

The color of Love...

seeking the lost.

Love

erodes us

until

we 

are only

itself

Be

the Love

that

You are

Breathe

Pray

Laugh

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "God is love." (1 John 4.8)

- From Hinduism: "To love is to know Me, My innermost nature, The truth that I am." (Bhagavad Gita 18.55)

- From Unification Church: "What is God? God is an existence that absolutely lives for others." (Sun Myung Moon, 4-16-88)

The Color of Carrying the World

"She carried an old globe as she walked,

a garage sale find;

carried it as though bearing the earth

but lightly in her hands."

(B. Harder, Random Musings)

I was enjoying coffee with Anna in the Sundre, Alberta cafe one day last summer when I noticed a woman crossing the street. She had a bag in one hand, and in the other she hefted a basketball-sized globe of the earth - the kind we used to have in our elementary classrooms. It was an intriguing image, this woman who walked with purpose, her feet drawn to their destination, and along for the ride... was the whole world.

I've been thinking about this woman and her globe for the last week, pondering the implications of holding the earth lightly in our hands. The image evokes both blessing and indictment. On the one hand we humans have been particularly gifted with innate abilities and tools to bring the earth to marvelous fruition. At our best we tend the earth and its creatures in such a way that all life flourishes. This is blessing.

On the other hand we have chosen lifestyles that take from the earth without giving back. Our level of over, and very much unnecessary, consumption seriously jeopardize the well-being of generations that have not yet been conceived. This is indictment.

“Western civilization is a loaded gun

pointed at the head of this planet.” 

(Terence McKenna)

As a culture we have not only made it acceptable to over-consume, we have made it necessary. Much of our self-image and self-worth are grounded in what we own. In addition, we have created economic systems that depend upon high levels of consumption. To make a living, retail business owners must sell goods - mountains of goods. We the buyers must purchase these goods - and then dispose of them to make room for further consumption.

“The earth will not continue to offer its harvest,

except with faithful stewardship.

We cannot say we love the land

and then take steps to destroy it for use

by future generations.” 

(Pope John Paul II)

Blessing and Indictment. We carry the earth, each of us in our own way. None of us are innocent, none absolutely guilty. We carry the earth - each time we plant a seed and nourish its growth; when we reclaim land disrupted by resource extraction; when we love and care for creatures; when we reduce, reuse, and recycle. We carry the earth in our gratitude, our compassion, and our stewardship.

I see no easy answer to over-consumption in the near future; I too will continue to drive my vehicle, replace broken things in my home, buy clothes, art, tools... but I am aware, when I look at my grandsons, that their children's well-being balances precariously upon my choices.

I leave the last word to scientist, Stephen Jay Gould:

“We have become,

by the power of a glorious evolutionary accident called intelligence,

the stewards of life's continuity on earth.

We did not ask for this role, but we cannot abjure it.

We may not be suited to it,

but here we are.” 

(Stephen Jay Gould, The Flamingo's Smile: Reflections in Natural History)

The color of carrying the world...

obligation and opportunity.

A stranger

handed me a

kitten

I do not know

about

kittens

So I listened

to the

cat

and learned

Pause

Breathe

Listen

To Ponder Further:
- From the Bible: "The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it." (Genesis 2.15)

- From Islam: "Someone said, "O Messenger of God, will we then have a reward for the good done to our animals?" "There will be a reward," he replied, "for anyone who gives water to a being that has a tender heart." (Hadith of Bukhari)

- From Buddhism: "As a mother with her own life guards the life of her own child, let all-embracing thoughts for all that lives be thine." (Khuddaka Patha, Metta Sutta)

The Color of Changing the World, Part II

“Love people who hate you.

Pray for people who have wronged you.

It won’t just change their life…

it’ll change yours.” 

(Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass)

A local funeral director phoned the other day to ask if I would attend to the grief needs of one of their client families. This was above and beyond, care that comes from the heart, not the bottom line. He made a difference in that family's life; he made us all a little better by his kindness.

A year ago Vanessa Smith of St. Catharines, Ontario donated 63% of her liver to a fellow hockey parent in need of a transplant. Vanessa has six children, and she is not afraid to be who she is, and in so doing, to change the course of humanity. 

Last winter Mark Przybylowski and Paula Malolepszy toured the west end of Montreal helping people shovel their cars out of a massive dump of snow. They didn't have to do this... but they did. It was just random acts of kindness that reveal the brilliance of humanity at its best. 

“You are here

in order to enable the world

to live more amply,

with greater vision,

with a finer spirit of hope and achievement.

You are here to enrich the world.” 

(Woodrow Wilson)

While I understand the inclination to engage BMW's (bitching, moaning and whining; not to mention outright complaining), I know that this is not the kind of world changing that expresses humanity's genius. Quite simply, we are better that that. We are creatures filled to the brim with powers that can address our greatest needs, push back the darkness, and give life from other galaxies a reason to meet us. 

“There's always a story. It's all stories, really.

The sun coming up every day is a story.

Everything's got a story in it.

Change the story, change the world.” 

(Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky)

Our words and actions, even our thoughts, and perhaps our feelings - all are choices we get to make. We can choose to complain; or we can choose to live a different story. Well I'm choosing this day to change the story of grumbling to a story of gratitude, kindness, and compassion. Together, we do amazing things. We feed the hungry, provide shelter, care for our world, and initiate countless random of acts of kindness every moment. We will overwhelm the world with such brilliance; overwhelm and heal it. 

“Human potential is amazing.

We have the capacity to create a world that is peaceful;

one that spreads kindness and love rather than hatred.

If we believe it to be so, it will be our truth,

and we will create it.” 

(Kristi Bowman, Journey to One: A Woman's Story of Emotional Healing and Spiritual Awakening)

In the face of political, economic, and ideological uncertainty, perhaps even chaos, the time has never been more ripe for all of us to expose our greatest strengths - gratitude, kindness, and compassion (and perhaps a good helping of playfulness for good measure). Resist the temptation to social media slandering, coffee shop complaining, and the accompanying sense of powerlessness. Instead, be the bright Light and Love that you are created to be. Change the world...

I leave the last word to Sri Chinmoy:

“Do you want to change the world?

Then change yourself first.

Do you want to change yourself?

Then remain completely silent inside the silence-sea.” 

(Sri Chinmoy, Meditation: Man-perfection in God-satisfaction)

The color of changing the world... 

being the real you.

A mirror

can only reveal

that

which stands

before

So too

do

words

unveil

the heart

Breathe

Pray

Love

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4.13)

- From Islam: "Those who act kindly in this world will have kindness." (Qur'an 39.10)

- From Buddhism: "...goodwill alone, which is the heart's release, shines and burns and flashes forth in surpassing them." (Itivuttaka 19)

The Color of Agony

“My wails of sorrow

are tormenting my soul” 

(Jalaluddin Rumi, The Love Poems of Rumi)

The grief work I have been privileged to engage over the years has allowed me to bear witness to a rather remarkable aspect of human brilliance. I stand in awe of our ability to bear the pain of agony; in particular, the heart-wrenching pain of sitting vigil at the bedside of a loved-one as they die. Agony is defined as, "intense physical or mental suffering."

All of you who have had a child, sibling, spouse, parent or friend in end-of-life care understand this agony of the mind (and perhaps more accurately, of the soul). Day after day you sit with a loved-one who is nearing the end of life's journey.  You watch their slow, sometimes very painful decline, unable to take away their suffering, but very much bearing it with them. 

“Agony is not something that happens to you.

To agonize is a choice.” 

(Alan Cohen)

This agony is compounded by conflicting desires - we want the person to continue to live, at the very same time that we want their suffering to come to an end. We don't want to have to say goodbye, and yet we are so bone-weary tired from our vigil that we long for it all to come to an end. It is true agony. 

Even so, mothers and fathers, spouses and friends all around the world are today extending compassion (meaning to suffer with) to someone they love. Perhaps Alan Cohen is correct in his assertion that agony is a choice. We do not have to sit, hour after long hour in the hospital or hospice room. We could leave the care of our loved-ones to the nursing staff. Instead, however, we choose to allow mind, body, heart and soul to be infused with the aroma of life's sometimes violent blossoming into eternity. We choose to become immersed in the tears, moans of pain, and heart-wrenching cries for mercy that leaving this world may illicit. 

This is not to say that all deaths are filled with pain, all passings expressions of nature's seeming violence. Some are quiet and peaceful. Some lives ease out of this corporeal experiment as softly as a summer sunrise. This death, though, this bed-side agony-of-the-soul-passing - this one is filled with hurt.

What then becomes of us who sit vigil? When the last breath rattles from the lungs, eyes finally closing in rest, who are we? We are the ones who are forever changed. Something has been taken from us in our experience of agony - we are emptied in ways that only time will give answer to. Concurrently, though, we are filled, we have become more, for we have survived the crucible. 

“Should you shield the canyons from the windstorms

you would never see the true beauty

of their carvings.”
(Elisabeth Kübler-Ross)

The hospital/hospice room is emptied of personal effects; back at home family and friends bring food, kindness, comfort. As evening seeps in you close your eyes in exhaustion... and relief. It is finished. Grief settles upon you, searing and familiar, and your heart, empty and raw, full and overflowing, has been remade. 

What you do in sitting at the bedside of those in their final weeks and days of life is nothing short of miraculous. This vigil reveals you - it shows both the strength and the vulnerability of Love as it pours from your heart. 

Most recently I have been the recipient of the stories of two teenagers whose lives were ended from cancer. Mothers and fathers bore the agony of their children's last days; bore this agony and filled our world to overflowing with the kindness of their Love. Humanity is truly amazing for we are a gift of Light and Love that our world desperately needs. Be the Love that you are... 

I leave the last word to poet, Kahil Gibran:

“Out of suffering

have emerged the strongest souls;

the most massive characters

are seared with scars.” 

(Kahlil Gibran)

The color of agony...

the cost of Love.

To see

not the

pain

but only

the need

not the fear

but only

the

longing

This is

compassion

Weep

Laugh

Pray

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame... (Romans 5:3-5 )

- From Confucianism: "Whosoever wishes to eliminate completely the sufferings of others through his own sufferings, that is the excellent person." (Book of History 5.9)

- From Islam: "The truly righteous are those who endure with fortitude misfortune, hardship and peril. That is, who are patient in poverty and affliction..."(Quran 2:178)

The Color of Bricks

“A great building will never stand

if you neglect the small bricks.” 

(Ifeanyi Enoch Onuoha)

I spoke with an acquaintance recently who worked as a brick layer for forty years. His hands will forever bear the marks of his trade - rough, iron strong, built for work. His body also has been touched by the labors of trowel, level, and mortar. His joints ache; daily reminders of the passion that filled his working days.

Brick layers are our mentors, for they understand the necessity of patience and precision. Buildings constructed of cement blocks or bricks grow from the ground up, one brick at a time. There is simply no way to hurry the process. Mortar is mixed, levels are checked... and a brick is laid. Then another, and another, and another...

Architecture starts

when you carefully put two bricks together.

There it begins.

(Ludwig Mies van der Rohe)

At the end of the day, on a large project, it may look like very little was accomplished. A few rows, carefully, stacked, topping and tailing neatly finished, and a passerby has no idea what the final outcome will look like. So it goes as Love sculpts our lives; it is slow and careful in its work.

In my service as Grief & Bereavement Coordinator I observe that moving into and through our grief is very much like brick laying. Viewed from a daily, weekly, or even monthly perspective it may seem that very little progress is being made. However, healing from grief is tedious work, for in grief our heart and soul must be tended to very carefully, one gentle brick at a time.

Likewise with parenting. Day after day, struggle after struggle, it may seem that we are constructing nothing more than chaos. But each moment of patience, each gentle response to a child flipping their lid is a brick laid in the construction of a child's life. 

So too with each person we encounter - interacting with patience, openness, and compassion adds one more brick to that person's edifice. They become a little more "finished" as it were, more complete. We walk away, unaware that we have been brick and mortar in the architecture of their being.

“No one has ever become poor by giving.” 

(Anne Frank, Diary of Anne Frank: the play)

In this life we have been granted an infinite number of bricks with which to build, and an unending supply of mortar. The bricks and mortar of our work are the quintessential qualities that grow us as a species - Love, generosity, forbearance, patience, forgiveness... With these materials we build each other up, strengthening foundations brick by slow brick. 

As you go into your day know that you are changing the lives of the people you meet. How you change them depends upon the bricks that you lay. Using the bricks mentioned above beings healing to humanity - healing that is so much in demand in these uncertain days.

I leave the last word to Archbishop Desmond Tutu:

“Do your little bit of good where you are;

it's those little bits of good put together

that overwhelm the world.” 

The color of bricks...

the art of becoming. 

An arch

is

incomplete

until the

keystone

has been set

Every stone

has its

place

Pray

breathe

Be

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)

- From Confucianism: "Gentleness and goodness are the roots of humanity." (Confucianism. Book of Ritual 38.18)

- From First Nations Wisdom: "My children, listen well. Remember that you are brothers, that the downfall of one means the downfall of all. You must have one fire, one pipe, one war club." (Native American Religions. Hiawatha [Iroquois])

The Color of Grime

“My theory on housework is,

if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire,

or block the refrigerator door,

let it be.

No one else cares.

Why should you?” 

(Erma Bombeck)

I was glancing around the kitchen one morning, from the living room, with the un-revealing grey light of a cloudy morning pouring in. The kitchen looked pretty good - from a distance. No big smudges, stains, drips, or spills screaming to be wiped up. I appreciate my home being tidy, and this part of it at least put me to rest.

Then the light changes. The clouds part, and brilliant sunshine bursts in; or the interior lights are turned on, and suddenly what has just seemed so clean is now glaringly messy. The stainless steel is dotted with fingerprints, the fridge door - let's not get started, and the counter top and back-splash are begging for a damp cloth's caress. 

“Excuse the mess,

but we live here.” 

(Roseanne Barr)

It takes a truly fastidious housekeeper to stand tall when their kitchen lays naked under a bright light. I'm not that person. It all makes me think though of the smudges, drips, and spills that be-spot my being. From a distance, in small doses and at the right moment, I can appear fairly neat and tidy on the inside. Under a bright and revealing light, though, one discovers a different story unfolding.

I have picked up a lot of emotional grime over the years - bits of mud and clay sticking to me. Sometimes it feels as though the tarnish is so heavy that very little of the material beneath shows through. You know how it is - you begin to feel down about yourself, and about life in general. You question your self-worth, your purpose, even your connection to family and friends. 

This, though, is not the end of the story. Come back to the kitchen with me for a moment and step into a cooking space that has not been cleaned for years. An oily-dusty smudge covers everything; something that was once food is cooked and/or dried on the stove and counter top. So what? Does this mean that the stainless steel beneath the grime is not stainless steel anymore? That the granite counter is no longer granite? Of course not.

“We cannot think of being acceptable to others

until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.” 

(Malcolm X)

Regardless of the grime, the essential quality of that which lies beneath the mess remains untouched. So too with me... and you. The mud and clay that we collect over life does not define us. Underneath the soot of our experiences we are created by Love, for Love, to be Love. We are created from something elemental, and are thus immutable in our essence. 

A little spit and polish is all it takes to make the stainless steel shine once again; it was there all along, just below a little muck. It is the same for us - just below the mud shines the brilliance that is truly you. Take courage, trust that it is there, and do all that you can today to let Love be seen in all that you are and do.

I leave the last word to Nic Sheff:

“As long as you look for someone else

to validate who you are by seeking their approval,

you are setting yourself up for disaster.

You have to be whole and complete in yourself.

No one can give you that.

You have to know who you are -

what others say is irrelevant.” 

(Nic Sheff)

The color of grime...

the doorway to buried treasure.

  

Scrape away

the mud and clay

the grit

the tarnish

the dust

A treasure waits

to be found

this day

Dig deep

look deep

and trust

Breathe

Trust

Laugh

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." (Psalm 139.13)

- From Confucianism: "Gentleness and goodness are the roots of humanity." (Book of Ritual 38.18)

- From Islam: "Every child is born of the nature of purity and submission to God." (Hadith of Bukhari)