The Color of Fatherhood

“The heart of a father

is the masterpiece of nature.” 

(Antoine François Prévost, Manon Lescaut)

I visited dad this week. He still knows my name most of the time; still knows the old stories, places, and events. Sometimes, when the widows of reality align, I see a reflection of the intelligence that once guided his life. Just as quickly as it appears, though, the light fades from his eyes and he is somewhere, somewhen else.

This is okay though, for I am reaping a harvest from seeds that my father planted long ago in the soil of my being. These days, however, he is not tilling the soil as he once did in the vibrancy of his middle years. More often now he sits quietly in the shade of trees that found rooting because of his tending and care.

“Beauty is not who you are on the outside,

it is the wisdom and time you gave away

to save another struggling soul like you.” 

(Shannon L. Alder)

Dad bequeathed an eclectic menagerie of wisdom to his sons. Pearls like, "every dog is friendly..." (for those with the dog energy to draw it out of them), or "look for the best in everyone; trust people." Dad taught us to be generous, to laugh, to cheer loudly. He instructed us in straight garden rows, neat workbenches (that one didn't stick so well with me), and above all else, being gentle with all creatures, even humans.

“I believe that what we become

depends on what our fathers teach us

at odd moments,

when they aren't trying to teach us.

We are formed

by little scraps of wisdom.” 

(Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum)

I have much to be thankful for when it comes to dad - he is a very good father (he turned 91 in 2016). Dad and I are much alike; we are both a bit more like squirrels than we are like black labs. That is to say we go hard, don't always think before we act, and are easily distracted; not always helpful, but usually a lot of fun! In his squirrel way dad taught me about life, faith, Love, and family. 

Dad taught me to love the beauty of a sunset on the lake as the water lapped against the boat. He mentored me in loving the earth, fixing the car, and preparing a dish he called "slum-gullion" which meant haphazardly grabbing any leftovers lying about in the fridge and frying them up in a cast-iron fry pan.

He also revealed the power of forgiveness, of kindness to strangers, of giving his life to his family and community. And - he showed me how to make mistakes, how to be human and fallible. He was/is by no means perfect; but he has always been perfectly real, open, and deeply loving.

“The father

who has selflessly poured himself

into the life of his children

may leave no other monument

than that of his children.

But as for a life well lived,

no other monument is necessary.” 

(Craig D. Lounsbrough)

I Love my dad, and I am immensely thankful for him. If I have made any positive impact on this world it is in great part a consequence of the stable ground that is my father's (and for sure my mother's) Love. For fifty years dad has been a steady presence, a weaver of cloth, creating tapestries of life. He has given much, and now it is his time to receive much. He cannot walk, he mostly cannot hold a conversation, and soon, he may not be able to respond. He will, however, always be able to receive our Love. 

Not all fathers have been as my dad has been. Some have been kinder, some terribly brutal. All though, through pain or joy have given us reasons to forgive, to Love, to weep, and to give thanks. 

I leave the last word to Craig Lounsbrough:

“The difference between a ‘man’ and a ‘father’

is that the former shares his genes,

but the latter gives his life.” 

(Craig D. Lounsbrough)

The color of fatherhood...

planting, tending, letting go.

A crumpled

twenty-dollar bill

creased and worn

in the dusty

hole of an

old coat pocket

Is its value

lessened

for its

rumpled state

Not so

worth is intrinsic

Love

does not fade

Laugh

play

pray

 To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible:"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him..." (Psalm 103.13)

- From Sikhism: "As the child, according to its natural disposition, commits thousands of faults, The father instructs and slights, but again hugs him to his bosom." (Adi Granth, Sorath, M.5)

- From Buddhism: "Brethren, one can never repay two persons, I declare. What two? Mother and father." (Anguttara Nikaya i.1)

The Color Of Summer

“Summer afternoon,

summer afternoon;

to me those have always been

the two most beautiful words

in the English language.” 

(Henry James)

It was, as it still is, sometime in the last week of June - the final day of school for the year. Report cards gifted in envelopes of white, tests  completed, artwork handed back, desks cleared of a year's accumulated detritus. Eight weeks lay ahead, bursting with untapped potential, a blank canvas awaiting the kiss of an artist's brush. 

Summer was, for me, a gravity that drew me forward through the year, pulling me into its orbit as July's calendar page was flipped on the kitchen wall. I simply loved summer. Leo (my next-door-neighbor and soul mate) and I would head out across the field of sprouting wheat or barley that boarded our neighborhood; tree lines to explore, forts to build, great hunting expeditions to undertake with pellet guns in hand. The long summer days would fill the horizon of our being.

“It was June,

and the world smelled of roses.

The sunshine was like powdered gold

over the grassy hillside.” (Maud Hart Lovelace, Betsy-Tacy and Tib)

I miss those carefree days. I recall with clarity the release of anxiety, the deep breaths of peace that the first morning of summer holidays bestowed upon my young soul. I was an anxious child, but even so, I knew how to settle into summer with an ease that is long forgotten.

Summer 2017. The garden is brilliant, and needing a little tending. The grass is growing - steroidily. Time flies by, filled with evening gatherings, weekends bursting with invitations, camping, travelling, yard work, house repairs, festivals... all packed into a few short weeks of sunshine, thunderstorms, and bugs. I still indulge in the verdant colors of summer, cries of gulls and crows, and the ubiquitous drone of a lawnmower in the distance. But the simple ease of those childhood vacation weeks is a fading memory.

As a child my only expectation of those long, warm days was to play with unbridled abandon; sleeping in, staying up later than on school nights, and marinading in the goodness of friendships and family. It was not about busyness, I did not try to stuff as much as I could into a few weeks of life. I simply enjoyed the moments.

“Summer will end soon enough,

and childhood as well.” (George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones)

What then am I saying? Do I long to go back to my nine-year-old carefree days, to return to some perceived halcyon era? I do not think so. Today is where I am planted, where I engage life. My reminiscences are, however, a spark to dry tinder. The fire that ignites is the energy of challenge and change. Perhaps I ask too much of these summer days. When standing before the buffet table, one must choose some items, and pass by the rest if a sore gut is to be avoided. 

We are the sculptors of our own lives, choosing or dismissing those opportunities that present themselves to us. Summer is upon us, resplendent in color, sound and aroma; laden with invitation and possibility. I will, in this day, listen to the wisdom that echoes down through the years from the little boy I once was. Today is a summer day - it needs no more in it than a playful spirit and a friend with whom to share it. 

I leave the last word to 19th century banker and scientist, John Lubbock:

“Rest is not idleness,

and to lie sometimes

on the grass under trees on a summer's day,

listening to the murmur of the water,

or watching the clouds float across the sky,

is by no means a waste of time.” (John Lubbock, The Use Of Life)

The color of summer...

bees among the roses.

With delight

I sip

the nectar

that is

summer's

gift

sip,

not gulp

sip,

in slow

indulgent

swallows

Pause

Breathe

Listen

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "As for the days of our life, they contain seventy years, Or if due to strength, eighty years, Yet their pride is but labor and sorrow; For soon it is gone and we fly away." (Psalm 90.10)

- From African traditional religions: "The dog says, 'If you fall down, and I fall down, the play will be enjoyable.'" (Nupe Proverb, Nigeria)

From Buddhism: "There are having flowers in Spring, breezes in Summer, moon in Autumn, snows in Winter. If there is nothing worrying over you, it will be the best seasons at all times." (Gautama Buddha, source unknown.)

The Color of Compassion

"...whatever you did

for one of the least

of these brothers and sisters of mine,

you did for me"

(Matthew 25.40)

Loving kindness - powerful, life-changing, healing. I recall, as though it were yesterday, the kindness of an acquaintance nearly 30 years ago. My first marriage had come to its conclusion and I was struggling to make sense of its ending one evening when there came a knock at the door. Standing on the porch, with a casserole in hand, was a member of the community who I barely knew. She had heard that I was recently separated and wanted to extend her compassion. Her kindness wrapped around me, and for just a moment my grief was bearable. 

Compassion is powerful. In making ourselves vulnerable and attending to the experiences of others, humbly serving their needs, we exemplify the truest heart of humanity. While we are often convinced by our thoughts to tread the paths of bitterness, complaining, and victim-hood, it is in the gift of compassion that we discover who we are.

“Love and compassion

are necessities, not luxuries.

Without them,

humanity cannot survive.” 

(Dalai Lama XIV, The Art of Happiness)

Compassion is not something that ought to be employed with caution. It is not a commodity in limited supply. Rather, compassion is the infrastructure upon which all human interactions must find their grounding. All beings, the powerful and the week, the rich and the poor, perpetrators and victims, will only grow and become the Love they are created to be as they are enveloped by the sweetness of compassion. 

“Compassion hurts.

When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.” 

(Andrew Boyd, Daily Afflictions)

So stated, compassion is rather easier said than done. When my tank is low, when I am tired on the inside, or simply hungry and impatient - then it is that I move away from the solid ground of my being. A server at a restaurant was the recent recipient of my impatience. While his service to our table was somewhat less than exemplary, he was no less in need of patience and loving-kindness than the server who was on their game. 

I acknowledge that I will definitely not be purely compassionate and Loving in all of my thoughts and actions all the time. That is part and parcel on the journey of enlightenment. Nonetheless, I also do not endeavor to justify my miserly employment of humanity's signature power. We are made from Love, and to reflect anything else onto this world is a denial of our essential nature.

“All I ever wanted

was to reach out and touch another human being

not just with my hands

but with my heart.” 

(Tahereh Mafi, Shatter Me)

The deeper I dive into the ocean of compassion the more my heart and mind are transformed. The time is now for those with a heart of compassion to shine a bright light into humanity's dark crevices. It takes no special training to be kind; every vocation offers opportunity ample opportunity to practice it. As soon as we awaken in the morning the world awaits our Loving-kindness. So be extreme with your patience; be radical with your Love; be profound in your compassion. It is who you are!

I leave the last word to that wild-haired genius of the 20th century:

“Our task must be to free ourselves...

by widening our circle of compassion

to embrace all living creatures

and the whole of nature and it's beauty.” 

(Albert Einstein)

The color of compassion...

bathing in the womb of Love's embrace.

A light

shines

and

in its glow

is reveled

brokenness

truth

and

hope

Compassion

is

Love

Pray

Breathe

Be

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." (Colossians 3.12)

- From Buddhism: "Compassion is a mind that savors only Mercy and love for all sentient beings."(Nagarjuna, Precious Garland 437)

- From Jainism: "Have benevolence towards all living beings, joy at the sight of the virtuous, compassion and sympathy for the afflicted, and tolerance towards the indolent and ill-behaved." (Tattvarthasutra 7.11)

The Color of Skin

“That mess about judging people

by the content of their character

and not the color of their skin—

that's some bullshit.

Nobody has the right to judge anybody else.

Period.

If you ain't been in my skin,

you ain't never gonna understand my character.”

(Emily Raboteau, The Professor's Daughter: A Novel)

Skin color: It binds us, divides us, enrages us, blinds us. Skin is made up of three layers - the outer epidermis, the dermis, and the deeper hypodermis. Regardless of race, we all have these three miraculous levels of cells.

Skin color: A consequence of protective chemicals at work, primarily the presence or absence of melanin. That's the science of it. Relationally, however... that's another story.

I am the product of a mixed-heritage of ancestral roots, a mutt by any definition, including (if family legend is to be upheld) Mohawk and Algonquin lineage. The darker skin tones and gorgeous brown eyes of my First-Nations forebears find ready expression in my first-cousins. My brothers and I, however, present as light-skinned and blue-eyed; Caucasian. A simple matter of chance it would seem.

“The silly thing is that the color of one's skin

is simply evolution's answer

for dealing with different rates of exposure to the sun.

How ignorant is it then to judge a person on that?” 

( Manasa Rao Saarloos)

Thus it is that while I do not know how it feels to be judged for the color of my skin, I have spent a lifetime hiding my skin for fear of judgment. Color is not the issue - quality is. As I wrote in a post a year or two ago, maternal roots gifted the males in my family with a condition called ichthyosis. In short, we grow the epidermis of our hide at a crazy rate, sloughing off skin cells in terrific amounts - a.k.a. dry, scaly skin.

In days of old we were the circus side-show freaks. I was aware of this as a child, and very much did not want to endure the scorn of those ostracized because their skin was not "right."

“Hating skin color

is contempt for God's divine creative imagination.

Honoring it

is appreciation for conscious,

beautiful-love-inspired

diversity.” 

(T.F. Hodge, From Within I Rise)

It takes tremendous courage to wear one's skin boldly, to let the light of the soul pour through the vessel of our outer clay. One need not be brown-skinned to feel shame for the hide in which they are wrapped. Burn victims, those with eczema, psoriasis, dermatitis, and numerous other skin conditions experience the judgment of an intolerant world. 

It also takes courage to look deeper than skin, to see past black, brown, and red; past scaly, blotchy, or scarred. Such sight requires us to see into each other. It is not about judging character - that is not deep enough. This is about looking past limitations, violations, failings, and ego. This is a hunt - a searaching for the elusive wisp of Light that is at the core of every human heart. 

This then, is our calling; it will take extraordinary valor to set aside our fears and cultural preconceptions to see past the skin of body and character, to truly bear witness to the heart and soul of another human being. This valor, this courage - it will bind us together, empower us, and pave the path in the evolution of our species. 

Be bold in your skin. 

Speak and be your truth.

Follow Love's guiding Light as it leads you deeply into each person you encounter. 

In so doing your authentic self is exposed.

I leave the last word to actor, Ricardo Montalban: 

Being the only non-Black was a unique experience.

After a few weeks,

you're not aware of skin color differences.

You see the color;

you're not blind, but it doesn't matter.

You see the human being first. 

(Ricardo Montalban)

The color of skin...

trying to dive into a shallow pond.

Close

your eyes

and

see

with your

heart

Breathe

Pray

Love

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: ""The Pharisee stood and was praying this to himself: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other people: swindlers, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector." (Luke 18.11)

- From Buddhism: "Who is tolerant to the intolerant, peaceful to the violent, free from greed with the greedy; him I call a Brahmin." (J. Mascaro, trans., The Dhammapada [Penguin, 1973], 90-93. Cited in B. R. Ambedkar, The Buddha and His Dhamma)

- Martin Luther King Jr.: "When we look beneath the surface, beneath the impulsive evil deed, we see within our enemyneighbor a measure of goodness and know that the viciousness and evilness of his acts are not quite representative of all that he is. We see him in a new light. We recognize that his hate grows out of fear, pride, ignorance, prejudice, and misunderstanding, but in spite of this, we know God’s image is ineffably etched in his being." (Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love)

The Color of Humility

“There is nothing noble

in being superior to your fellow man;

true nobility

is being superior to your former self.” 

(Ernest Hemingway)

A dusty old memory: An embarrassing moment of forgetfulness during a Sunday School Christmas pageant when I was about seven years old. This moment of fear left an indelible mark upon me. For decades to follow, a quiet voice reminded me that I was an untalented person. In false humility, I looked up to those I perceived as gifted, even as I derided my own abilities.  

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself;

it is thinking of yourself less.” 

(C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity)

As I have grown over the years, that voice of judgment has become subdued, a bare whisper of wind on dark days. I have learned that I am a gift to our world, full to the brim with wondrous potential, all of which is ignited and set ablaze by Love. This perhaps, does not sound terribly humble; therein is the twist. Humility is not about denying our greatness; humility stands in awe of one's own greatness even as it exalts in the beauty of every being it meets.

“Be careful

not to mistake insecurity

and inadequacy for humility!

Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate!

Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!” 

(C. JoyBell C.)

Love has spent a lifetime shaping us, smoothing rough edges, and shinning radiantly through the cracks of our clay shell. It in no way desires that we deny its power as expressed through our unique gifts and experiences. There is no one else on earth that is just like you; no other expression of Divine Light will touch the world in the same way as that which flows through you. 

The challenge of humility then is to know and honor your strength, your power, your ability to heal this world, and to do so quietly within the sanctuary of your own heart. In this way, you are freed to be brilliant even as you draw out the brilliance of others. Is this not our mission - to be secure in who we are so that we might be agents of change and renewal for all of creation? 

“It is not for me to judge another man's life.

I must judge, I must choose,

I must spurn, purely for myself.

For myself, alone.” 

(Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha)

As tempting as it is to lift ourselves up by tearing others down, in so doing we only deny our deepest truth: We are beautifully created and wonderfully made. Even so, we will not navigate this world perfectly. The glass of our being, through which the Light of Love shines, is easily smudged, sometimes even caked with life's detritus. Humility then is knowing the Light that endeavors to pour through us, even as we yearn to discover that same light flowing through our neighbor.

I count it an awesome privilege when I am given the sight to see Love pouring from those wherein I least expected to find it. May the Love that you are exalt in the Love that defines others. 

I leave the last word to a humble man, Martin Luther:

“True humility does not know that it is humble.

If it did, it would be proud from the contemplation

of so fine a virtue.”
(Martin Luther)

The color of humility...

the strength of the bridge rejoicing in the vibrations of traffic.

I looked

in the

mirror

and wept

with

Joy

For I saw

there

the face

of

my

enemy

Pray

Laugh

Shine

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." (Luke 14.11)

- From Islam: "Successful indeed are the believers who are humble in their prayers, and who shun vain conversation, and who are payers of the poor-due, and who guard their modesty." 

(Qur'an 23.1-5)

- From Hinduism: 

"Be humble, be harmless,

Have no pretension,

Be upright, forbearing;

Serve your teacher in true obedience,

Keeping the mind and body in cleanness,

Tranquil, steadfast, master of ego,

Standing apart from the things of the senses,

Free from self;

Aware of the weakness in mortal nature.

                  (Bhagavad Gita 13.7-8)

The Color of Entrepreneurs

“There’s lots of bad reasons to start a company.

But there’s only one good, legitimate reason,

and I think you know what it is:

it’s to change the world.” 

(Phil Libin, CEO of Evernote)

I have, for the bulk of my working years, been an employee rather than an employer. I began serving the world and earning money in elementary school when I would help my next-door-neighbor with his paper route when he was away. At 15 I began work at Macleods Hardware, followed by a summer in the Junior Forest Ranger program, then on to grocery deliveries at Lindhal's grocery. Life after high school introduced me to a long line of people and companies willing to take me under their employ.

Through all of those jobs and employers I do not recall stopping to consider the perspective of the people taking the risks as entrepreneurs. And there are huge risks. As employees our mission is simple - do the tasks assigned, change the world, get paid, go home. If the position comes with benefits such as health and dental or pension then we enjoy those perks without consideration of the cost to the company employing us. The owner of a business, however, does not have the luxury of such simplicity. 

In addition to ensuring that they make a living for their own household, employers have the responsibility of providing income for each of their employees. While wage-earners may find their work day book-ended with specific start and end times, owners work as many hours as are needed to make the business function. The responsibility that comes with taking on an employee can weigh heavy on an business man or woman.

“Inviting someone to work for pay

is a sacred privilege and a trust.

It must be regarded a high honor

to be able to give another person work,

and neither employer nor employee

should abuse this relationship” 

(Judy Frankel)

While I do not suggest that all business owners and corporations are just in their relationships to those they employ, as a whole they provide the backbone for our economy. Most of us have neither the skills nor the interest in being owners. We are content to receive our wages and have our evenings and weekends free for other things. We end our work days blissfully unaware that our employers may be working late into the evening and through the weekend to ensure that we have jobs to go to in the morning.

“The secret to successful hiring is this:

look for the people who want to change the world.” 

(Marc Benioff, CEO of Salesforce)

Entrepreneurs have the potential to make positive change in our world by creating opportunities for employees to use their gifts in a meaningful way. The many jobs in which I've been employed over the years have opened doors to meet people, encourage them, and in some way, great or small, make their lives a little bit better. If not for a willing employer those opportunities would never have arisen.

I am deeply grateful for all of business owners in my city. These women and men weave their employees and clients into the fabric that is our community. They take huge risks to do their work, they put in long hours, and sometimes at the end of the month, especially in hard economic times, they have little to show for it. Still, they mentor us, give us hope, and month by month by month... they provide our paycheck. This is Love in action, Love flowing through us, through employers, through communities.

Give thanks today for the entrepreneurial spirit that guides the employers in your life. 

I leave the last word to Ziad Abkelnour:

“Job tip:

If you were the employer,

what kind of person

would you most desire as an employee?

Be that person.” 

(Ziad K. Abdelnour, Economic Warfare: Secrets of Wealth Creation in the Age of Welfare Politics)

The color of entrepreneurs...

workforce parents.

We danced

together

you and

I

the music

of

economy

guiding our feet

and together

we

thrived

Work

Laugh

Pray

For Further Reflection:
- From the Bible: "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters..." (Colossians 3.23)

- From Sikhism: "One who claims to be a saint, and goes about begging - touch not his feet! He whose livelihood is earned through work, and part given away in charity - such a one, Nanak, truly knows the way to God. " ( Adi Granth, Var Sarang, M.1, p. 1245)

- From Hinduism: "Work is worship." (Virashaiva Proverb)