The Color of Fatherhood

“The heart of a father

is the masterpiece of nature.” 

(Antoine François Prévost, Manon Lescaut)

I visited dad this week. He still knows my name most of the time; still knows the old stories, places, and events. Sometimes, when the widows of reality align, I see a reflection of the intelligence that once guided his life. Just as quickly as it appears, though, the light fades from his eyes and he is somewhere, somewhen else.

This is okay though, for I am reaping a harvest from seeds that my father planted long ago in the soil of my being. These days, however, he is not tilling the soil as he once did in the vibrancy of his middle years. More often now he sits quietly in the shade of trees that found rooting because of his tending and care.

“Beauty is not who you are on the outside,

it is the wisdom and time you gave away

to save another struggling soul like you.” 

(Shannon L. Alder)

Dad bequeathed an eclectic menagerie of wisdom to his sons. Pearls like, "every dog is friendly..." (for those with the dog energy to draw it out of them), or "look for the best in everyone; trust people." Dad taught us to be generous, to laugh, to cheer loudly. He instructed us in straight garden rows, neat workbenches (that one didn't stick so well with me), and above all else, being gentle with all creatures, even humans.

“I believe that what we become

depends on what our fathers teach us

at odd moments,

when they aren't trying to teach us.

We are formed

by little scraps of wisdom.” 

(Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum)

I have much to be thankful for when it comes to dad - he is a very good father (he turned 91 in 2016). Dad and I are much alike; we are both a bit more like squirrels than we are like black labs. That is to say we go hard, don't always think before we act, and are easily distracted; not always helpful, but usually a lot of fun! In his squirrel way dad taught me about life, faith, Love, and family. 

Dad taught me to love the beauty of a sunset on the lake as the water lapped against the boat. He mentored me in loving the earth, fixing the car, and preparing a dish he called "slum-gullion" which meant haphazardly grabbing any leftovers lying about in the fridge and frying them up in a cast-iron fry pan.

He also revealed the power of forgiveness, of kindness to strangers, of giving his life to his family and community. And - he showed me how to make mistakes, how to be human and fallible. He was/is by no means perfect; but he has always been perfectly real, open, and deeply loving.

“The father

who has selflessly poured himself

into the life of his children

may leave no other monument

than that of his children.

But as for a life well lived,

no other monument is necessary.” 

(Craig D. Lounsbrough)

I Love my dad, and I am immensely thankful for him. If I have made any positive impact on this world it is in great part a consequence of the stable ground that is my father's (and for sure my mother's) Love. For fifty years dad has been a steady presence, a weaver of cloth, creating tapestries of life. He has given much, and now it is his time to receive much. He cannot walk, he mostly cannot hold a conversation, and soon, he may not be able to respond. He will, however, always be able to receive our Love. 

Not all fathers have been as my dad has been. Some have been kinder, some terribly brutal. All though, through pain or joy have given us reasons to forgive, to Love, to weep, and to give thanks. 

I leave the last word to Craig Lounsbrough:

“The difference between a ‘man’ and a ‘father’

is that the former shares his genes,

but the latter gives his life.” 

(Craig D. Lounsbrough)

The color of fatherhood...

planting, tending, letting go.

A crumpled

twenty-dollar bill

creased and worn

in the dusty

hole of an

old coat pocket

Is its value

lessened

for its

rumpled state

Not so

worth is intrinsic

Love

does not fade

Laugh

play

pray

 To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible:"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him..." (Psalm 103.13)

- From Sikhism: "As the child, according to its natural disposition, commits thousands of faults, The father instructs and slights, but again hugs him to his bosom." (Adi Granth, Sorath, M.5)

- From Buddhism: "Brethren, one can never repay two persons, I declare. What two? Mother and father." (Anguttara Nikaya i.1)