The Color Of Being Wrong

“Everybody is wrong about everything,

just about all the time.” 

(Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto)

Fairly frequently I discover that I am completely wrong about something - you know, little things like some statistic or a bit of trivia, or a corrupted a memory file of some event; occasionally about something more significant like how to be a good husband or father. My 17-year-old son does not hesitate to inform me when I am in error. My wife too is bold in correcting any misguided assumptions I may fabricate. I'm not really fond of being told that I'm wrong; it pokes a number of my buttons, and for this I am grateful for it is in those moments that I have a chance to grow.

“There are two circumstances that lead to arrogance: 

one is when you're wrong and you can't face it;

the other is when you're right and nobody else can face it.” 

(Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality)

It is a truly ego-busting experience to face one's imperfections. In my case, admitting that I am in error threatens a bit of the shaky ground upon which my ego makes its stand. "What did you have for supper last Monday?" I might be asked. "Soup" is my reply, until I am corrected by someone with a clearer memory who reminds me that roast beef was served at that evening meal. For just a moment I find my reality unsettled - if I am wrong about this detail am I slipping on others as well? Am I losing it? 

In recognizing fallibility, though, I am coming to realize that who I am is not about how right, accurate, or precise I am. I make mistakes, often and regularly; it is a part of my persona. So be it. "To err is human..." and I am all of that. Being able to acknowledge to my family, or to anyone for that matter, that I am incorrect about something is a bit of grace in the world. It tells them that maybe it's okay for them also to be wrong sometimes, that the sky won't come crashing down if we are not right about everything all the time. Correct or incorrect does not define me - my heart defines me, Love defines me. 

“The best of us must sometimes eat our words.” 

(J.K. Rowling)

I am making it a spiritual practice to embrace being corrected. I am new at this, I still react, the preservation instinct demanding that my perception of reality be the only one. Sometimes, though, I am able to just let it go, to smile and breathe and be thankful for the boldness of others to show me the error of my ways. The best antidote to the stubborn, argumentative and must-be-right parts of myself is to commit to listening to what others are saying - really, deeply listening. If I'm trying to be right I've probably turned off my ears. If I am attuned to hearing what the other person is saying I probably have little energy to divert into being right.

Do you need to be right? When someone close to you is wrong do you delight in correcting them? If so, you have my compassion - it's a hard road this growing as a human. How about joining with me and allowing being wrong to be a part of your spiritual journey? And a part of this is, of course, letting others be wrong and when it is not about life and death, not correcting them. Just being quiet, and gentle, and smiling and Loving them. 

I leave the last word to author and businessman Donald Hicks:

“To make mistakes or be wrong is human.

To admit those mistakes

shows you have the ability to learn,

and are growing wiser.” 

(Donald L. Hicks, Look into the stillness)

The color of being wrong...

humility in action.

Admit

you are

wrong

to a child

and teach

them

how

to

learn

Love

Breathe

Pray

To Ponder Further:

- From the Bible: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs." (1 Cor. 13.4-5)

- From Buddhism: "The man who foolishly does me wrong, I will return to him the protection of my most ungrudging love; and the more evil comes from him, the more good shall go from me." (Siddhartha Gautama Buddha)