Words for the Bad Days

"My grief lies all within, And these external manners of lament 

Are merely shadows to the unseen grief

That swells with silence in the tortured soul”

(King Richard II, Act IV)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Sometimes in life we feel things so deeply, so consumingly, that we don't know to whom we could express them. We swim in oceans of grief, anger, pride, fear, longing, hope... waters of turbulent waves breaking upon rocky shores. How do we possibly voice the magnitude and vulnerability of such emotion and experience? When we feel as though we are the only ones who have ever felt this way, who would possibly have compassion and understanding for our angst? This comes to mind this week as I reflect upon some of the voices I have heard in my wanderings: a breast cancer diagnosis, the death of an elder parent, fear for family safety, bone-breaking weariness... each story voiced from a heart heavy with hurt and uncertainty; I add my voice to theirs: To whom can we cry?

"Give ear to my words, O Lord;

give heed to my groaning.

Hearken to the sound of my cry,

    my King and my God,

    for to thee do I pray."

(Psalm 5)

There are 150 Psalms in the Hebrew Bible; 150 poems of praise, lament, hope, rage, love... each is a real and raw expression of humanity's need to cry out its human experience. All in all they are a poignant reminder that there is no inappropriate conversation with God. From the rage of the victims who scream, "may my enemies by like a stillborn child" (Psalm 58), to the praise of one who sees Love's glory in creation and cries out, "Praise him, sun and moon praise him, all you shining stars! Praise him, you highest heavens, and you waters above the heavens!" (Psalm 148).

In its piety, the Christian church has sometimes pigeon-holed its members to adhere to nice talk with God. But that is simply not who we are, or who God is. Love is the God of the redneck world, of the farmer's world, the east-coast fisherman's world, the teacher-after-a-very-long-day world, the nurse with an angry patient world... your world!; the world that sometimes shits on you and leaves you angry and frustrated and hurting. At this point you definitely don't feel like nice language will suffice and you may want to rail at the universe with words and emotion that nobody else will understand; nobody else but God.

The good news, the very, very good news is - the book of Psalms is the redneck/farmer/fisherman/teacher/nurse's official permission to be with God exactly as you are. On the most amazingly sunny "I can take on the world" kind of day the Psalms rejoice with you. When you are lost in grief, drowned in despair, consumed by the fire of rage - the Psalms speak your voice to a God that will not push you away or judge your heart.

Life is messy and it requires a faith that is equally messy; this challenge is met in the Psalms. Whatever you are feeling today, there is a Psalm that expresses it. Do a google search; name your experience, search for ("tiredness" for example) and the word Psalms, and you will be directed to a poem that is 2500 years old and as fresh as right now.

I encourage you in your day, whatever it may bring, with the reminder that you are not alone. Love surrounds you, holds you and receives your deepest cry.

I leave the last word to the Psalmist, who was having a bad day:

"Why are you in despair, O my soul?

And why have you become disturbed within me?

Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him

For the help of His presence."

With Compassion,
Pastor Bill

Silence screams

The deaf hear love's refrain

God knows all

breathe

speak

love

[First published February 6, 2013]